From that moment, until I next fall asleep, it’s there.
I am on high doses of meds to try to keep the worst at bay. They help, though some days it doesn’t seem like it. My pain is there every day. Every single day.
But sometimes it’s there in a way I can’t forget it’s there. Feels like a knife is ripping up between my teeth, my teeth being pulled and twisted. My eye hurts....sometimes just aching, or pain in the corner, other times as though there are knitting needles being stabbed in it. My forehead and cheekbone feel so painful as if I have just banged against something. As if there is a huge bruise and I am pressing on it. Sometimes my head feels like it is being squashed. And every now and then, the pains will just surge. Sometimes the pain just suddenly comes out of nowhere, for no reason.
I can get pain in my teeth, as though I have just put a live electric cable into my mouth. It’s as though it just sizzles all the way down every tooth to my chin, then along my jaw. Thankfully, the Tegretol has controlled that type of pain to a degree.
I have no choice, but live with it. I try to make the best of a bad situation, but some days are definitely harder to deal with than others.
Smiling hurts....but I do it. Laughing hurts....but I do it. I try to enjoy doing what I can, rather than cry about what I can’t. So I can’t eat ice-cream or spare ribs, but I’m not going to cry about those things. I know there are things I can eat. And on the really bad days, I just thank my lucky stars that I have a caring husband who makes me something to eat, and says, ‘You need to eat....I know it hurts, but you really need to eat.‘
Every day of my life revolves around my pain. I have other pain too, not just TN. Although there is nothing just about TN.